Nige 54 - The Column December 2003 Well Gentlemen it is that time of year again. It's that time when ALL of the hot chicks want to put out, so there is absolutely no excuse for not showing the mega babe from the Marketing Division why Christmas is the time for giving and most importantly receiving. For a perfect example of the amazing possibilities over this Christmas period, make sure you turn to Chapter Eight of 'Around The World In 80 Babes!' for a twenty-four hour sexual extravaganza that defies belief! But before we hit the mailbag for the final time in 2003, may I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a safe, prosperous and truly excellent 2004! Mr. 54! With all of the office Christmas parties coming up, do you have any advice on the best way to pick up the babes from work without looking like an idiot and being the subject of office gossip the next day if you fail? Andrew - Adelaide, South Australia. Mate, that is a great question for this time of year because ever since office Christmas parties have existed, every single company in the world has a history littered with classic Christmas party moments. As I write about in Chapter Four of 'Around The World In 80 Babes!' entitled 'How to Get Laid - All of the Time!' the key to a successful Christmas Party is not to get too drunk. However, the most important factor is subtlety. Don't tell anyone who you are aiming to pound or what your objectives are for the evening because then everyone will be watching your every move. Simply strike up conversation with the babe you want and let the evening take its course. Hopefully, she'll be getting plastered and you'll then work your magic. But when the time comes to strike, DO NOT attempt anything out in the open. Move your attempts at action 'off shore' by quietly suggesting you move to a bar or nightclub before going for gold. Then your success or failure remains anonymous. But while all of this sounds good on paper, we can't predict the unexpected and for some reason, office Christmas parties do bring out all of the inhibitions we have been trying to suppress all year. So if you do get too drunk and due to a lack of available babes you find yourself wanting to bend over an average looking secretary because she has just told you that she wants to be treated like a dirty whore, then tie some mistletoe around your waist and go for it. But in the midst of this euphoria, use at least one of your brain cells and DO NOT take her to the photocopier room - you will more than likely be busted and your reputation will be ruined. By misjudging this type of situation, a whole year of outstanding work being fucked up in literally seconds. So again, suggest an alternative meeting place. Overall, the best thing you can do to avoid the Christmas party traps is to relax, surround yourself with the office hotties and enjoy having a few beers together while watching the office accountant making a fool of himself by dancing on top of the table with his tie around his head and his pants around his ankles. Then, when the moment arrives, be a wolf in sheep's clothing to ensure success. Let me know how you go. Nige 54 Nige! I just loved reading 'Around The World In 80 Babes!' It is the great Aussie novel that every man should own. Now throughout your book you talk about gaining flags whereby one of the joys of banging a girl from a new country is that you therefore gain that country's flag. Well what I was wondering is how many countries is considered good? I'm about to go travelling through Europe and South America and need some guidance on the number of flags I should be aiming for. How many do you have? Brett - Oxford, U.K. Brettmeister! Thanks for your comments and I'm glad you enjoyed my book. Gaining flags is a terrific pastime for any punter overseas and it's always interesting to hear what flags each guy has in his collection. For example, one of my best mates banged a chick from Iceland and there could only be a handful of guys in Australia who have achieved that feat. The amount of flags I have (like the number of chicks I have pounded as discussed in my November column), is a closely guarded secret but I can tell you that it is more than any guy I have ever met. It is a total full of variety and a truckload of sensational memories with a few 'exotic' flags thrown in. Most guys who travel overseas should be able to pick up the Australian, U.K., American, New Zealand and South African flags without too much trouble as the majority of people who travel are from these countries. Canada, Sweden, France and Norway are also countries with a high amount of tourists so they should be next on your list and you should also set your sites on babes from Denmark, Italy, Mexico and perhaps Finland. Obviously, the best way to gain flags is to actually go to that country and as you are travelling to South America I'd expect that you should be able to gather an excellent selection of flags from countries such as Brazil, Chile, Peru and Argentina. In terms of the amount of flags that would be considered 'good', I would say five, which is pretty standard. Ten would be considered excellent as that is clearly taking the next step, while fifteen would be outstanding. Anything above twenty is of rock star proportions. The only problem you may encounter is that the vast majority of tourist destinations around the world are inhabited by Australian, English, New Zealand and South African tourists so it can often become quite frustrating where, for example, all the babes in the IOS are actually Australian rather than Greek! Anyway, best of luck as I would be most interested to hear how you go especially considering that there are some very exotic countries throughout South America. Remember that any overseas adventure is a once in a lifetime opportunity so party as hard as you can and 'sleep when you're dead!' Regards, Nige 54 Nige 54, I am getting a bit bored with chasing girls and all of their bullshit that we, as men, have to put up with. Maybe I should get in touch with my ex-girlfriend and settle down? Michael - Sydney, New South Wales. Michael, Michael, Michael! Get it together son! No matter how hot the babes, they all come with baggage and at times we all have to put up with their bullshit - the skill, however, lies in how YOU are able to handle it. If you are really smart you will acquire the ability to highlight how restrictive girls' issues are to themselves and their relationships and guess what? You will start seeing a change and you will gain more respect as a result. You didn't provide me with all the details but it sounds as if you left your ex-girlfriend to play the field but it's clear you have lost your touch. In these situations it is a total LOSER move to go scurrying back to you ex because she will have the power for the rest of your life. The answer is to raise your standards and bang hotter girls. 'Easier said that done,' you might say. Well buddy NOW is the true test as to what kind of man you are! Believe me it can be tough trying to get 'back in the game' after some time in retirement, but when you start banging hotter babes than ever before, the pleasure that will result will outweigh the pain you went through to get to that point by a thousand times. Remember, if you are banging the best, you can never be bored! So Michael, the best thing you can do right now to increase your motivation is to treat yourself to a very special Christmas present by buying your own copy of 'Around The World In 80 Babes!' Read it from cover to cover and I can't wait to hear about your success in 2004. All the best! Nige 54 Email: nige54@nige54.com