Nige 54 - The Column January 2004 Happy New Year! Well here we are in 2004 and Nige 54 a.k.a 'The Nigester' has returned home. After two years breaking record after record overseas and the last 18 months spent tearing up the bars and nightclubs of Sydney, I have returned to my home town of Melbourne and it just feels sensational to be B.I.T. (Back In Town). Having said that, I will miss Manly - easily THE BEST town in Sydney. With so many international babes keen for action that pack the beachside nightclubs night after night - how could any other town in Sydney compete? Sure, Bondi is fun and the Eastern suburbs are packed with gorgeous princesses who need a number of serious anal adventures, but nothing could ever beat the style and variety that Manly offers only 15 minutes from the CBD on the super fast JetCat. Yeah, life in Manly was pure bliss and while my departure has upset scores of babes throughout the Manly Wharf Bar, the Aqua Lounge and the ever debaucherous Steyne Hotel, my time in Sydney is now done. Thankfully there are still plenty of summer nights left so hopefully Melbourne performs like it did during those fabulous barnstorming days of 1999/2000. Oh, and don't forget that every babe you are bending over throughout the remainder of the summer should be sporting that sensational g-banger tan. Into the mailbag we go! Nige 54! Who in the hell do you think you are? Travelling the world and having sex with scores of women, then writing a book about it AND now this monthly column - you know there is more to life. You're probably not that good anyway! Michelle - Glen Iris, Victoria Well, well, well my Michelle! May I firstly say how fantastic it is to begin 2004 with a question from a chick, but may I also say how much your comments make me absolutely laugh myself silly! You seem mad at me for living my life to the full? You seem a little annoyed that I, Nige 54, love women! Michelle, life's too short for such pathetic emotions. But you're right, there is more to life than getting naked with hot babes and taking them to the heights of euphoria - there is of course sport, beer, the beach and bucks parties. However in this column I'm talking about getting naked with women because the fact is, Michelle, that if more chicks spent their time being bent over then there would be fewer chicks out there who allow one bad experience to ruin the majority of their future opportunities. In turn, there would be fewer chicks out there disillusioned by men, fewer chicks out there who think there is something wrong with being spontaneous and trying something different and as a result there would be fewer chicks out there like you! So the quicker you start bending over, the quicker you'll appreciate guys like me and the quicker you'll introduce me to your friends to organise a threesome. Woohoo! But Michelle, if you really want to put your pussy where you mouth is I'll be at 'Motel' over the next couple of Saturday nights. I'll be the guy at the bar talking to the hot babes and wearing one of my sensational '80 Babes Clothing' T-Shirts. So don't be afraid to come over and say hi and then we will really see who's actually any good. See you at 'Motel' - that is if you can get in! The Nigester Nige! I was down at the Portsea Pub over the Christmas break and I need to ask you...WHY were so many guys wearing homosexual coloured pink T-Shirts and stupid looking Trucker caps? Seriously, we counted something like thirty-three pink T-Shirts in the space of two hours! Is everyone turning gay? Karl - Mt. Eliza, Victoria Chief! I know exactly what you mean! I too was down at the Portsea Pub and I've got no idea whoever suggested that pink T-Shirts were cool but the fact is that you are right - they are totally homosexual. But what is even more fucked up is that there are SO MANY guys wearing them! Men, if you own a pink T-Shirt burn it immediately and give yourself an upper cut for ever thinking you looked good. And in relation to Trucker caps, we can all thank Ashton Cusher for that pathetic fad. When will guys ever understand that they have to create their own style rather just copying the crowd? Just because you wear pink T-Shirts and Trucker caps DOES NOT mean you too will have the opportunity to bang Demi Moore. You know Portsea Pub really cracks me up. One year every guy was wearing that average looking Quiksilver T-Shirt with the '7' on the front and the next year the same guys were sporting those pathetic coral necklaces?! Oh well, I suppose when these losers continue not to get laid they may eventually learn how ordinary these fads actually are. Or they could simply buy a copy of 'Around The World In 80 Babes!' and turn immediately to Chapter Four 'How to Get Laid - All of the Time!' Now there's an idea. The Nigester Nige 54! Mate, I've read your book, love your work and now find myself clicking to your column religiously on the 15th of every month! However, have you got any new advice? Anything that could be considered 'the latest'? Will - Auckland, New Zealand. G'day Will, 'The latest' is what this column is all about and while I have been keeping this particular strategy close to my chest, let me now let you in on a little secret called 'The ETAD'. Having been on hundreds of dates with a variety of delicious babes I suppose I have become a little bored with the usual routine of meeting up, having a few drinks, a pash and then some serious pounding. Of course the pounding never gets boring, but I suppose I just became a little tired with the actual process. That of course got me thinking and I wondered how much more fun it would be to reverse that process. Rather than meeting up for drinks and then banging - what about banging first THEN drinks! I call it the 'reverse date' or 'The ETAD' (the word 'date' spelt backwards). Now while my mates loved this idea, the question had to be asked as to whether hot babes would agree to something so daring? Furthermore, which guy would have the courage to offer this proposal and risk losing it all, especially on a first date? Well, the courage to ask this on a first date has still evaded me but on a second date I am pleased to announce pure success. As I outlined to a babe recently, the date should begin at my house with some serious action. Following the successful completion of this erotic task I would be more than happy to pay for drinks and/or dinner and/or whatever. I've just got laid so why would I care?! Now I must say how true it is that going out for dinner after sex is so much more satisfying than the other way around. Have you ever tried it? Well you should because both parties are more relaxed revelling in their post shag glow, the nervousness of the date has completely disappeared and there is nothing better than looking across the table knowing that literally minutes ago you had the babe opposite you screaming out the Lord's name. The fact is that girls love guys who have the courage to try something different and with a proposal like 'The ETAD', you will have more success than failures if you know how to sell it. Oh, and don't forget the best part of 'The ETAD'...after a hearty meal and some more drinks, the possibility still exists to return to the scene of the crime for some more action. Two sessions of serious pounding during the course of one date - awesome! So Will, I present you with the reverse date, 'The ETAD'. May it change the dating world forever! Best Regards, The Nigester Email: nige54@nige54.com