Nige 54 - The Column June 2004 Well here I am in the month of June about to discuss the opening of the ski season in Melbourne - and perhaps throw in a few debaucherous Alpine stories of my own - when out of left field comes an ex-Newcastle Knights cheerleader called Jennifer Hawkins who casually steps up and wins Miss Universe! Alright Jennifer! Looks like you'll be saying farewell to your current boyfriend as you begin a sensational jet setting lifestyle of glitz and glamour. Speaking of which, look what I found at the very top of my mailbag! Nige 54, My girlfriend has just won the Miss Universe competition in Ecuador and it looks like she will be spending the next year living in New York. I am hoping to marry her one day......what do you think my best strategy is for ensuring this? Jake - Newcastle, New South Wales Mate, Firstly may I say 'congratulations' for spending some quality nude time with Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins. Secondly, may I provide some advice to answer your question - in short, you're fucked. Jake, the fact is that you and Jennifer are done and dusted. I saw your comments in the paper recently where after her victory you initially spoke about not wanting her to stay in New York (which, by the way, is ridiculously selfish), to wanting to marry her (who wouldn't?), to now believing that this one year break from each other while she fulfils her Miss Universe responsibilities will test the relationship. Jake, if you haven't worked it out, this one year break will turn into a lifetime. Jennifer is gone. Your soon to be ex-girlfriend's new lifestyle will expose her to so many new opportunities, so many career possibilities and an absolute shitload of hot, famous and wealthy guys who will most likely bang her brains out. No matter what she tells you when responding to your soppy emails, within a few short months Jennifer will have totally forgotten about you as she begins the lifestyle as one of the most sought after babes in the world. And girls like this can only restrain themselves for so long. But if you do want to have any kind of chance if, and I mean IF, she ever returns to her dull Newcastle existence, please refer to the advice in my September 2003 column where I spoke about how to make your girlfriend come back to you once she leaves for overseas. The key is to let her go, wish her the best and hardly contact her so that she misses you RATHER than emailing her every day telling her how much you love her. You just end up looking like a pussy. So...congratulations on having banged a Miss Universe, but now you have to use the status you have gained to become "the man". And while there is a massive difference between being the boyfriend of the girl who becomes Miss Universe (you), than going out and actually picking up a recently crowned Miss Universe (perhaps someone like me), you have an amazing opportunity here to go out and show the world that you don't care if Jennifer ever comes back and bang a serious amount of hot babes as a result. In the long run, she'll respect you for moving on and probably give you the opportunity to prove yourself again down the track - just don't blow it all by sitting at home and feeling sorry for yourself. Nige 54 Nigester Back in your March edition you spoke of the best bars and nightclubs in Melbourne & Sydney and as you pointed out, most of them are very hard to get into unless you are some kind of celebrity, are best mates with the bouncer and/or are dating a model. So how do you and your mates manage it? Warren - Ringwood, Victoria P.S. My dad, unbeknownst to my knowledge, has been reading "Around The World In 80 Babes!" I left it in the bathroom and only found out my dad was a huge fan when I asked him why he was laughing so hysterically while in the loo! Wazza! Throw your dad a 'High Five' for me - it's great to hear that my book is being enjoyed by men of all ages and I hope it provides him with many more days of humour. In relation to getting into the coolest bars and clubs in town night after night...mate I would love to tell you the methods my buddies and I have used to gain an "in" not only here in Melbourne but in a variety of cities around the world - but that is very privileged information. But one of the secrets, like with picking up babes, is having the energy to pursue the matter with style and class while knowing how and where to spot your opportunities. There is no set pattern, you just have to find your own way in (rocking up with hot chicks always works) and then find a way to make it last. I usually only need half a sniff of the slightest opportunity which I will then turn into a lifetime of free entry and sometimes free drinks. But so can you - think laterally, think outside the square and once you get inside make sure that the important people know who you are and remember your name. Then you're on your way. Best of luck! Nigester Nige, Picking up chicks is tough...I mean the ability to go out there every night, night after night. Where do you get your energy from? Stephen - Glenelg, South Australia. Stephen, Energy levels are important not just for picking up babes but in every aspect of life. Those with high energy levels are always those who are able to achieve the most and when picking up chicks you need that energy night after night. Spotting the opportunities with babes and then running with those opportunities can be a very fine line and the guys that consistently miss out are generally those who are lacking in energy. Having this energy doesn't mean you are bouncing off the walls, it simply means that you are always alert while having deep reserves of strength that can be summoned when necessary i.e. she wants you to bang her for the fifth time and the sun came up two hours ago! Personally, I get my energy from my ridiculous love of life and my inspiration from the guys that have it all - Tom Cruise, Michael Jordan, Jon Bon Jovi and Charlie Sheen. (At times I can also be a rampaging Hulkamaniac, but you never heard that from me!) Good diet is also essential for the right energy levels as is rest and relaxation. A quick powernap before I get ready to go out always does wonders and as I outline in Chapter Four of "Around The World In 80 Babes!", one of the major keys while out is to never get too hammered. Stay in control and make sure that you are "running the show". A great example of this was during my recent four week domination of New York, Miami, Rio de Janeiro and L.A. where I drank every night, banged ALOT of babes and like a true professional, I never had a night off. Keep the dream alive! Nige Email: nige54@nige54.com