Nige 54 - The Column November 2004 Gentlemen! At this year's Spring Racing Carnival in Melbourne we were absolutely bombarded by Western Australian fillies. Perth or any part of Western Australia is one place I am yet to travel, but after the debauchery of the last few weeks, I think this area of Australia may be an untapped resource. Either that or these babes are simply acting completely out of character because they are so far away from home and are under the impression (which is an impression I am a huge fan of), that anything goes! Whichever the case, me and my boys will be saying 'Giddiup!' all the way to Christmas. But for the guys out there who are perhaps not really sure what I am talking about as the Spring Racing Carnival was three weeks of blurred vision and average moments with drunk pieces of mutton dressed up as lamb, it is time to ask yourself some serious questions. Do you actually want to start waking up next to the fine piece of ass you were salivating over all day or will you continue to believe that those kinds of phenomenal babes are untouchable as you stagger home with some hideous slapper who is in serious need of the Jenny Craig weightloss program? Yes, those hot dresses can be deceiving, but when you are trying to hang on to a piece of her flab to maintain your balance, it is seriously time to re-assess. Now, while this may be yet another act of shameless self promotion, the fact is that the advice contained in 'Around The World In 80 Babes!' will assist you unbelievably at these kinds of events no matter where you are in the world. For clear undisputed evidence of this, check out our new 'the testimonials' section that contains responses from all over the world from those people who have already read the book and loved every word. Throughout the last few weeks, you also may have heard 'Around The World In 80 Babes!' featured over the radio on Triple M's 'The Cage' and on Kyle & Jackie O's 'The Hot Hits'. (If anyone has heard the book or website featured on any other program please drop me an email). Also, for those of you in Airlie Beach, Queensland (the backpacking capital of Australia), 'Around The World In 80 Babes!' is now currently available from a couple of bookshops in Airlie Beach's main shopping mall. Giddiup again! So, with the beginning of summer only days away, you have just enough time to arm yourself with the necessary tools to ensure your summer months are pure domination. The same applies for all of those heading into the ski season in Europe and America. The ski fields around the world always present a smorgasbord of opportunities, so make sure you have a copy of 'Around The World In 80 Babes!' tucked under your ski jacket to enable a quick reference to Nige 54's skiing adventures in Austria and Whistler. This last month was also the month of tennis break ups with Mark Philippoussis & Delta Goodrem parting ways as did Lleyton Hewitt & Kim Clijsters. While the Philippoussis/Goodrem break-up needs some analysis so we can sift through the crap served up by their respective spin doctors (which we will deal with in just a moment), the Hewitt/Clijsters parting simply outlined the difficulties with long distance relationships even if you both are flush with cash. Did Clijsters have a fight with Hewitt's mother or was the long distance really a problem? Who really cares because Lleyton, the 23 year old multi-millionaire, now has the opportunity to become the ultimate player in every sense of the word. Come on! Now before we serve up some mail, a final piece of goss from the Spring Racing Carnival is that a certain bald Australian Olympic swimmer is apparently resorting to 3am booty calls following a lack of success at the races and the subsequent hours spent at various after race day functions. Really, the question has to be asked - why does he need to? The mind boggles when a popular Olympic swimmer with the world at his feet is still struggling to maximise his opportunities and needs to use a booty call fall back to conclude his evening. Clearly he is unable to grasp his potential, which by the way, is very similar to his recent efforts in the pool. Someone send him a book! Ok, now it's mail time. Mr. 54, Do you know what happened between Mark Philippoussis and Delta Goodrem? I was a huge fan of their relationship...thought you might know the truth behind the endless innuendo? Richard - Canberra, Australian Capital Territory Dick! You were a huge fan of their relationship??? Oh my...just a couple of issues you may want to think about there. Anyway, to find out the answer to your question you have certainly come to the right place. When these celebrity break ups occur the most vital information is always said by the parties involved the minute the story breaks and before the spin doctors have their chance to water down the allegations. In this instance the most important comments were made by Paris Hilton who while shopping in West Hollywood admitted being the new women in Mark Philippoussis' life and that he and Delta Goodrem were now finished. Now, while everyone involved has attempted to water down and even deny that Paris was ever involved with Mark we all must remember that in every single instance, 'where there is smoke there is ALWAYS fire.' There is no doubt whatsoever that Paris was telling the truth because the fact is that she does not need to lie. She is a hundred times more popular and wealthier than Mark so why would she bother? She was simply asked a casual question while in the middle of a shopping trip and answered it accordingly. Case closed. So what does this mean? It means that Mark finally thought that he was in a position to 'upgrade' after Delta as he made the huge mistake of thinking that he could simply have a four week fling with her as he has done with such babes as Anna Kournikova and Tara Reid. The problem for Mark was his lack of thinking as he failed to realise that following Delta's cancer scare she became Australia's princess and any guy who became involved with her following this would be hounded. That is why after they officially declared that they were in a relationship he whisked her off to L.A. so he could pound her in peace. With all of the media scrutiny and with Delta falling head over heals in love, Mark then must of kicked himself when realised that he had to 'stick out' their relationship otherwise he would be branded as a bastard which would only serve to further diminish his drowning reputation. Last month he probably thought that eight months was a long enough effort - either that or this was Paris's advice during one of their romping sessions. Unfortunately, the harsh reality for the still very innocent twenty year old Delta is that Mark was never in love with her. Why? Well again we can turn to some of Mark's very first comments following the break up - Mark said that he was 'bored'. Delta, if a guy is really in love with you, it is impossible for him to get bored especially if you are both spending the majority of your time travelling the world. Yes he was bored because your relationship restricted his partying and therefore, no he was never in love with you. Shame that the song you wrote about him is topping the charts. So Delta, in future set some criteria and don't date a guy just because he sends you flowers while you are in hospital. You're much smarter than that and way too intelligent to be wasting your time with someone like Mark. And Mark, come on mate, in future let's think a little more carefully shall we rather than trying to capitalise on someone as inexperienced as Delta. Set yourself a challenge for once. Speaking of challenges, what's your world tennis ranking right now? Time to pull the finger out buddy because like a thirty-five year old woman's biological clock, your potential meter is running out fast and once your cash disappears, so will the babes. Mr. 54 Nigester, To what extent do you think it is acceptable to lie in order to get a woman into bed? Gene - Albert Park, Victoria. Gene, Perhaps the short answer to your question is, 'it depends how hot she is?' Heh heh heh! But seriously mate, the more you lie, the shorter your time with her will be. The reason being is that no matter how good you think you are at lying, you will always get found out one way or another and in the grand scheme of chasing chicks, the fact is that there is never any real need to lie. Sure, throughout my adventures I have on occasions told a few little white lies to impress a babe and that's definitely ok if it is your last night in town and you'll never see her again. And of course telling a few white lies can be fun and generally there's no harm, on the odd occasion, pretending you are a pilot, a doctor or even the managing director of the world's largest table tennis table manufacturer. But if you need to do this on a regular basis to score babes, then you have issues. More importantly, quality babes probably won't be interested in you anyway because they would have heard it all before and therefore these lies will probably only work on slappers and crackwhores. When tuning chicks, honesty can work absolute wonders because women are crying out for guys who are genuine and being secure with yourself and who you are can be any guy's most attractive asset. Lying is generally for those who do not have anything interesting to talk about and that is the complete opposite of any Nige 54 theory. So Gene, feel free to bend the truth a little if you want to have some fun, but to actually completely lie all the way into a babe's bed - mate, leave that to the sleaze bags and try-hards of this world. Nigester Hey Nige, Just wondering...is there a movie star or character from a movie that best represents you? Vanessa - Port Melbourne, Victoria Vanessa, I would like to say Charlie Sheen, but I can only dream about having a babe resume like him. Infact most movie stars have exploits beyond imagination, so to give you the most accurate description it is better to compare me to a character in a movie and since this particular movie was released a couple of years ago, I have regularly been likened to the main character Van Wilder from 'Van Wilder: Party Liaison'. Mmmmm...write that down. Nige P.S. Thanks also for sending that very sexy photo of yourself - I'll be in touch. Email: nige54@nige54.com